Self-Destruction Ego Complex -- The Enabler

Individuals in the first type, Enablers, possess a great deal of inner frustration and often feel hopeless to get out of their current situations. They constantly neglect their own feelings and aspirations in life due to their self-propelled obligation to fulfill others’ needs. This is again due to their lack of love for themselves and lack of courage to stand up and work toward what they want in life. They often sacrifice for their family members, help them reach their goals in life, and solve their problems in life which only make others rely on them even more. Self-destructive individuals are aware that they are acting as enablers for their family members and want to take care of everything for them. They feel a sense of duty to take care of everyone around them so that they can feel they have accomplished something good and productive in life. What they fail to understand is that everyone has a duty and obligation to learn the proper way to take care of him/herself and that they should guide and advise others to do just that. This is an act of Compassion. Instead, they often try to take over the work for them and take care of their wellbeing as well as their problems in life which is a gesture of Sympathy and a sign of an enabler.

If their children give them a gift such as a nice piece of jewelry for a birthday, they may put the jewelry away in the closet and save it for future use, but in reality, they never feel deserving enough to wear it. If their family members/relatives send them away for a vacation and ask them not to worry about the house and the children, they will always call home every few hours and not be able to stop thinking about them even while on vacation. If they have an aspiration of going back to school and/or have a career of their own, their passion for these goals quickly dies at the thought of their spouses and children who might need them on a moment-to-moment basis. Their caring hearts constantly revolve around their loved ones and not themselves, which only makes it harder for them to fulfill their own aspirations and dreams in life. If their loved ones take them to a nice restaurant to celebrate their years of hard work in taking care of them and ask them to order whatever they want on the menu and disregard the prices, enablers still cannot stop being price conscious. At times, enabler individuals will insist on staying home for dinner and refuse to be pampered at a nice restaurant.

The enablers’ ego-states-of-being often feel validated and recognized when needed by others around them. Ironically, it is a sign of power to take care of others and see others in bad situations which would only make their situations look better. Through this behavior they gain acceptance from others in order to feel a sense of purpose in life that they are struggling to find within themselves. They often fail to understand that others will only rely on them even more to the point of overwhelming their sense of existence. Eventually, they cannot find peace within themselves due to their obligation to solve problems for others. Soon enough, the enablers will face a cycle of never-ending requests from everyone around them and find no purpose within their lives but to continue to help others. The burden may become overwhelming to the point that they may just quit everything all of a sudden and plunge into a deep depression or run away from home to get away from everyone. Enablers in their personal lives are often enablers in their professional lives where other employees and co-workers have the habit of relying on them to assist in their work.

Enablers have been forced into this situation by their family members early on due to parents’ early divorce, caring for an elder relative, taking care of younger siblings or early marriage and having to work for a spouse’s business, etc. This kind of pressure placed on them at an early age would only make them believe that sacrificing for others is a way of life and that to even care for their own feelings and aspirations in life is not normal and even selfish. As the time goes on, they are less conscious of their wants and needs. If they fail to find the true-self during the process of fulfilling others’ needs as their priority, they can never break the cycle of sacrificing and never begin to nourish their souls. [3:9-(10)/(1)]

Their motto is as follows: Taking care of and helping loved ones is my primary duty in life because this is what I am supposed to do. And it makes me feel wanted but overwhelmed at the same time.

Excerpt from: What Is Your Ego and True Leaders Part I, Personal Guide

Copy Right 2007, ISBN: 1-4208-6971-X(sc), Library of Congress Control Number: 2005906194
No part of the book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

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Ego's Evil Twin

Ego is the lowest part of ourselves. It is considered the most primitive, impulsive, uncultivated, immature, and irrational part of ourselves, with no regard to the consequences it might cause to others. Sometimes the ego-state becomes so absorbed into our physical bodies and worldly things that we often lose touch with our relationship with the soul-state. This creates a lot of internal conflicts between the ego, self, and the soul. When the ego-state takes over the self-state, we could appear to be confused and melancholy one minute and become rather mean and aggressive a moment later. At times, we might display an extreme sensitivity to other people’s remarks about ourselves and become very emotional from external influences which might cause us to suddenly become depressed or hyperactive. We can be reserved toward certain people one minute and become extremely outgoing toward others in the next minute. When we do not get what we want, we often display child-like attitudes to get sympathy from others around us, and become rather dominating and commanding toward others when we have the upper hand. We can appear to be easygoing, kind, and friendly to our friends, but at other times, we can be very indifferent, mean, and cruel to our victims.

There is no doubt that the ego-personality can be so unpredictable that it becomes impossible for the self- and the soul-states to constrain it. The ego can become our soul’s greatest enemy if not tamed properly. With assistance from the Id-personality, the ego-personality can become indispensable and commit senseless crimes that are gruesome, relentless, and inhuman. As a result, the criminal often shows no remorse for what he/she has done to the victims. The Id-personality is a personality that possesses an almighty character that is very much like the evil twin of the ego-personality. However bad the ego-personality is, just imagine its possessing a double amount of badness which becomes the evil within us. The Id-personality is a direct split from the ego-personality which often is produced by a great deal of trauma and distress encountered in childhood when the child suppresses those memories in the unconscious mind, which results in the Id-personality.

Our failure to deal effectively with the trauma we have experienced or witnessed by seeking proper counseling to begin the healing process allows the ego-personality to take over in deciding what we should do about our unwanted memories. It would most likely find the easiest way out by suppressing the memories in our unconscious minds as a way of escaping from facing them directly. This is the only way the ego-personality knows to cope with a traumatic experience, which is to suppress it as deep-seated as possible so that we would never have to see it again. Unfortunately, the ego-personality is not mature enough to realize that anything we fail to face directly right now will always come back to haunt us in a very unpleasant fashion, something we do not want.

If we really want to put any traumatic memory away and never have to face it again, we have to start to face it directly now and to understand its meaning as much as we can. This way we can learn whatever we have to learn and dump whatever we do not want in the garbage can. Otherwise our Id-personality will take whatever the ego-personality attempts to throw out and use it against the self- and soul-personalities and constrain the ego-personality, if we do not cooperate with the Id-personality’s demands. (3:8)

Excerpt from: What is Your Ego and True Leaders Part I, Personal Guide

Copy Right 2007, ISBN: 1-4208-6971-X(sc), Library of Congress Control Number: 2005906194
No part of the book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

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Live in the Moment

--Leader’s Quality Living --

When we live in the moment, we are no longer focusing on the past or the future. It is the now that is of concern. Every single minute of our experience is as fascinating and pristine as the enchanting sunrise where not a single moment that passes is the same. Every sound heard, every scent smelled, every object seen, every food tasted, every texture felt, and every energy sensed all constitute a very unique encounter which we experience at that perfect and harmonious moment.“Perfect” because the event happens at that precise moment, and “harmonious” because it is destined to happen in that exact fashion. This allows our minds to rest at ease and sit back to watch the wonders happen in front of our eyes as each moment takes us to a new experience in life. As compelling as our minds are in drawing us to worries, frustrations, and wandering thoughts about the past, present or future events, we must make an extra effort to put those nuisances aside.

They are considered nuisances for the very reason that they are like the dust on our lenses. Our thinking minds are like a sheet of filter paper and our rational minds are interpreting the event for us in understandable terms. If the conscious mind (self-state), is not clear as it sits between the experience (event) and the experiencer (ego-state & soul-state), we are not able to experience the events the way they really are due to the residue that is left on the filter. This is like the filter of an air conditioner, filled with dirt or dust, which prevents the cool air from getting through, becoming very stale air to the experiencer. If we allow our thoughts to be constantly filled with worries, frustrations, and wandering thoughts, we will not be able to experience the full scope of the situation and the environment we are in.

Thoughts come and go -- they may last for a second or a few seconds. As human beings, we encounter approximately 60,000 thoughts per day. Our inner thoughts are important, but thoughts have their own appropriate times and places, too. As new ideas and worries surface in our minds, we are more than welcome to give attention to those thoughts for a certain period of time as long as we do not jeopardize the current experience and its special meaning to us. However, if we constantly attach to those worries, frustrations, and/or wandering thoughts, we will never be able to experience the moment fully as it presents itself to us. Even when we think about our past and feel something from our memory of the past, we still are not able to experience every single detail of that particular event totally. This is because the memory we have stored in our minds about the event is strictly based on selective memory in both good and bad times. When it comes to our future expectations and predictions, we tend to either over- or under-estimate the outcome for the most part. Therefore, it is not ideal to do it justice by becoming a slave of the future.

If we constantly live in the dreams of the future, and the possible outcomes and problems we may face in the future, we will be living in an illusionary world and straying away from the present moment of what is truly real.To have dreams to inspire us to make our future brighter is considered productive, but to solely live in the dreams of the future and not appreciate the present moment can be very unproductive. Therefore, only the present moment that we experience consciously is considered the actual experience of the event we encounter with purity and originality and all of us who share the experience together are able to arrive at a much closer interpretation with each other.The past and the future are illusionary; only the present moment is real.(7:2-2)

Excerpt from: True Leaders Part I, Personal Guide

Copy Right 2007, ISBN: 1-4208-6971-X(sc), Library of Congress Control Number: 2005906194
No part of the book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

To Place an Order, click on "Order Books" at the left button