Men and Women Are Equally Visual -- Dating Relationship

The way a man views a woman, unfortunately, has mainly focused on her physical aspect instead of her “core being.” The idea that men tend to be more visual then women is absolutely not correct. In fact, all human beings have been given the same potentials, similar in both men and women, and both men and women are visual beings. The only difference in their visualization lies in the Focus. A woman’s natural focus is on the centeredness of things, therefore her observational quality tends to aim at the center of any type of relationship, project or activity she is involved in. This means she focuses on the human relations which is always the center, or core, of everything as well as being a more organized and detailed-oriented individual as a way to manage everything in a consolidated manner. In a family and love relationship setting, a woman tends to focus visually more on the family dynamics and personal relations among family members.

On the other hand, a man’s focus is at the periphery of things just like a voyager, therefore his observational quality tends to aim at his surroundings. This quality motivates him to pay attention to new innovations such as ideas, product and services, business investments, and career opportunities as well as any events, activities or people that strike his attention. This also includes any woman who captures his attention in his immediate surroundings. In this sense, men have been interpreted to be more visual than women, but in reality, men and women are equally visual beings, the only difference is, again, the targets of their focus which are shaped falsely, mainly by the media. This is where men need to learn the true purpose of their observational qualities.

The true purpose of men’s observational qualities is not to be used on the superficial level, but on a more meaningful level like a voyager finding better ways to get to the gold mine, in this case – core being of a woman. As a man of the twenty-first century in the dating scene, he can use his voyager personality to find better ways to get to know a woman on a personal level, a better way to communicate with her intimately, and a better lover to her the way she would feel special. In order to restrain a man’s vulnerability to the attractiveness of a woman’s physical body, he has to be determined enough to train himself to become fascinated and intrigued with a woman’s mind such as her ideas, opinions, perspectives, and philosophy in life as well as her competency, talents, and knowledge/intellect. Pay a special attention to how well she teaches her class, how well she manages her company, how well she communicates or how well she sings or paint. All of these qualities that represent a woman’s core being should always be the primary focus in a man’s perspective in viewing a woman especially during his conversation with other men.

The fascination of wanting to know a woman’s inner-self through the qualities of her core being can be an exciting exploration for any man who wants to take on the challenge – and it must come from within. It must be reinforced by him, since it is the depth of a woman that matters to him and not the surface of a woman’s appearance. A woman’s physical body, regardless of how gorgeous, attractive or sexy it might be, should only be viewed as an auxiliary part to her core being and her personality, values, intellect, talents, and wisdom are what inspire and attract a man’s heart and mind to her.
(6:5-2)

Excerpt from: Sex and Aggression: Media's Toxic Contamination and True Leaders Part III, Professional and Social Guide

Copy Right 2007, ISBN: 1-4208-6971-X(sc), Library of Congress Control Number: 2005906194
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Self-Destruction Ego Complex -- The Enabler

Individuals in the first type, Enablers, possess a great deal of inner frustration and often feel hopeless to get out of their current situations. They constantly neglect their own feelings and aspirations in life due to their self-propelled obligation to fulfill others’ needs. This is again due to their lack of love for themselves and lack of courage to stand up and work toward what they want in life. They often sacrifice for their family members, help them reach their goals in life, and solve their problems in life which only make others rely on them even more. Self-destructive individuals are aware that they are acting as enablers for their family members and want to take care of everything for them. They feel a sense of duty to take care of everyone around them so that they can feel they have accomplished something good and productive in life. What they fail to understand is that everyone has a duty and obligation to learn the proper way to take care of him/herself and that they should guide and advise others to do just that. This is an act of Compassion. Instead, they often try to take over the work for them and take care of their wellbeing as well as their problems in life which is a gesture of Sympathy and a sign of an enabler.

If their children give them a gift such as a nice piece of jewelry for a birthday, they may put the jewelry away in the closet and save it for future use, but in reality, they never feel deserving enough to wear it. If their family members/relatives send them away for a vacation and ask them not to worry about the house and the children, they will always call home every few hours and not be able to stop thinking about them even while on vacation. If they have an aspiration of going back to school and/or have a career of their own, their passion for these goals quickly dies at the thought of their spouses and children who might need them on a moment-to-moment basis. Their caring hearts constantly revolve around their loved ones and not themselves, which only makes it harder for them to fulfill their own aspirations and dreams in life. If their loved ones take them to a nice restaurant to celebrate their years of hard work in taking care of them and ask them to order whatever they want on the menu and disregard the prices, enablers still cannot stop being price conscious. At times, enabler individuals will insist on staying home for dinner and refuse to be pampered at a nice restaurant.

The enablers’ ego-states-of-being often feel validated and recognized when needed by others around them. Ironically, it is a sign of power to take care of others and see others in bad situations which would only make their situations look better. Through this behavior they gain acceptance from others in order to feel a sense of purpose in life that they are struggling to find within themselves. They often fail to understand that others will only rely on them even more to the point of overwhelming their sense of existence. Eventually, they cannot find peace within themselves due to their obligation to solve problems for others. Soon enough, the enablers will face a cycle of never-ending requests from everyone around them and find no purpose within their lives but to continue to help others. The burden may become overwhelming to the point that they may just quit everything all of a sudden and plunge into a deep depression or run away from home to get away from everyone. Enablers in their personal lives are often enablers in their professional lives where other employees and co-workers have the habit of relying on them to assist in their work.

Enablers have been forced into this situation by their family members early on due to parents’ early divorce, caring for an elder relative, taking care of younger siblings or early marriage and having to work for a spouse’s business, etc. This kind of pressure placed on them at an early age would only make them believe that sacrificing for others is a way of life and that to even care for their own feelings and aspirations in life is not normal and even selfish. As the time goes on, they are less conscious of their wants and needs. If they fail to find the true-self during the process of fulfilling others’ needs as their priority, they can never break the cycle of sacrificing and never begin to nourish their souls. [3:9-(10)/(1)]

Their motto is as follows: Taking care of and helping loved ones is my primary duty in life because this is what I am supposed to do. And it makes me feel wanted but overwhelmed at the same time.

Excerpt from: What Is Your Ego and True Leaders Part I, Personal Guide

Copy Right 2007, ISBN: 1-4208-6971-X(sc), Library of Congress Control Number: 2005906194
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Total Arousal -- The Media's Manipulation

The media’s primary goal is to create a certain chemical arousal within the bodies of their audiences to make them feel good for the purpose of grabbing their attention and gaining their interest and curiosity in the message they are trying to convey. One technique is to use certain emotional stimulants subconsciously to make their audiences feel good, either from the ego or from the soul perspective, for the purpose of encouraging the audience to continue coming back for their products and services and eventually becoming addicted to them. This further creates more desire and frenzy from the audience which in turn creates more demand for their products and services which is what the media have been accomplishing for many years. We might turn away from those stimulants and from certain media when we find their productions to be too disturbing to our well-being. The saddest thing about this is that it is not so easy to just tune them out since they are everywhere in our surroundings. At the same time, the creators behind those productions have also tried very hard to come up with different ways and methods in a fashion that attracts the audience the most and to continue to tap into their subconscious minds.

The themes that the media consider to be the most arousing and provoking to the audience to the point of emotional excitement or disturbance would be considered the pitch, or the “hot buttons” for them to push each and every time. Theme such as sexual jokes, nudity, lust, passion, sensuality, violence, aggression, perversion, power, fame, lavish and stylish materialistic goods, poverty, silliness and stupidity, grossly funny, and shocking and horrifying things are among the prevalent ones that the media use to attract the audience’s attention. We must understand that it is not the themes themselves that are an unhealthy influence to us. It is more the way they are depicted in the form of a joke, a play, a game, an amusement to arouse our lower emotions that is considered unhealthy. (6:3-1)

Movie producers have been known to plan meticulously the roles of most women characters to be pretty and to display as much of their flesh as possible. They use close-up shots and encourage them to dress in an enticing way to show off their cleavage and legs to further catch the audience’s attention, which only gives a false image of what a truly desirable woman should be. Movie producers also have been known to plan meticulously the role of most men characters to show their chauvinistic and masculine qualities by displaying their rights to be in control of their women and that the women in their lives need to cater to their moodiness, frustration, and short temperaments with tolerance, understanding, and submissiveness. The men also have the right to feel free to stare at and give attention to any attractive woman who walks by without being made to feel guilty in doing so. They should have as much wealth, fame, popularity, and materialistic possessions as possible to show others their personal worth with a fabricated lifestyle. At other times, male characters are also being portrayed as aggressive, violent, and sometimes abusive to their spouses and children by engaging in acts like molestation, rape or murder in movies, especially to female victims.

Stereotyping males in those superficial, materialistic, aggressive, and violent roles can easily further deliver a message to male audiences that it is definitely acceptable to satisfy their need to stare at a woman’s body whenever they want. It promotes the need for power in a relationship as well as their right to exhibit rage whenever they see fit and that their women are supposed to be tolerant of the situation. Web sites on the Internet have become an increasingly negative channel for information by providing easy access and bombarding users with unwanted e-mail messages and advertisements in regard to child pornography, sex chat lines, nude photos, and virtual pornography. This kind of advertisement only creates even more disturbance and inconvenience for the general public who only want to get certain business, medical or current event information and really do not appreciate being bothered by those negative advertisements. As a result, all of these channels that bring us the negative information and influences in our society can make us emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually ill to the point that it might become extremely difficult for us to redeem our sanity and to live a life of purity. (6:3-3)

Excerpt from: Sex and Aggression: Media's Toxic Contamination, and True Leaders Part III, Professional and Social Guide

Copy Right 2007, ISBN: 1-4208-6971-X(sc), Library of Congress Control Number: 2005906194
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Ego's Evil Twin

Ego is the lowest part of ourselves. It is considered the most primitive, impulsive, uncultivated, immature, and irrational part of ourselves, with no regard to the consequences it might cause to others. Sometimes the ego-state becomes so absorbed into our physical bodies and worldly things that we often lose touch with our relationship with the soul-state. This creates a lot of internal conflicts between the ego, self, and the soul. When the ego-state takes over the self-state, we could appear to be confused and melancholy one minute and become rather mean and aggressive a moment later. At times, we might display an extreme sensitivity to other people’s remarks about ourselves and become very emotional from external influences which might cause us to suddenly become depressed or hyperactive. We can be reserved toward certain people one minute and become extremely outgoing toward others in the next minute. When we do not get what we want, we often display child-like attitudes to get sympathy from others around us, and become rather dominating and commanding toward others when we have the upper hand. We can appear to be easygoing, kind, and friendly to our friends, but at other times, we can be very indifferent, mean, and cruel to our victims.

There is no doubt that the ego-personality can be so unpredictable that it becomes impossible for the self- and the soul-states to constrain it. The ego can become our soul’s greatest enemy if not tamed properly. With assistance from the Id-personality, the ego-personality can become indispensable and commit senseless crimes that are gruesome, relentless, and inhuman. As a result, the criminal often shows no remorse for what he/she has done to the victims. The Id-personality is a personality that possesses an almighty character that is very much like the evil twin of the ego-personality. However bad the ego-personality is, just imagine its possessing a double amount of badness which becomes the evil within us. The Id-personality is a direct split from the ego-personality which often is produced by a great deal of trauma and distress encountered in childhood when the child suppresses those memories in the unconscious mind, which results in the Id-personality.

Our failure to deal effectively with the trauma we have experienced or witnessed by seeking proper counseling to begin the healing process allows the ego-personality to take over in deciding what we should do about our unwanted memories. It would most likely find the easiest way out by suppressing the memories in our unconscious minds as a way of escaping from facing them directly. This is the only way the ego-personality knows to cope with a traumatic experience, which is to suppress it as deep-seated as possible so that we would never have to see it again. Unfortunately, the ego-personality is not mature enough to realize that anything we fail to face directly right now will always come back to haunt us in a very unpleasant fashion, something we do not want.

If we really want to put any traumatic memory away and never have to face it again, we have to start to face it directly now and to understand its meaning as much as we can. This way we can learn whatever we have to learn and dump whatever we do not want in the garbage can. Otherwise our Id-personality will take whatever the ego-personality attempts to throw out and use it against the self- and soul-personalities and constrain the ego-personality, if we do not cooperate with the Id-personality’s demands. (3:8)

Excerpt from: What is Your Ego and True Leaders Part I, Personal Guide

Copy Right 2007, ISBN: 1-4208-6971-X(sc), Library of Congress Control Number: 2005906194
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What Is a Good Work Ethic?

Understanding the Employer’s Position Is a Good Work Ethic

Understanding the employer’s position, especially in small companies, is critical to the businesses’ growth and expansion. Often we as employees view small companies we work for as stepping stones for our career expansion. Therefore it is only a job we acquire temporarily to gain the skills and knowledge we want in hoping to find a better job/career opportunity in the future. It is a place where we work “for the time being” that conforms to our family and/or school schedules and where we can earn a comfortable income to meet our financial demands but certainly is not a place for us to contribute long-term.

To many of our employers, whatever businesses they are in, they are in it for the long haul and they view it as a career they would like to take onto the next level. It may be an expansion from the existing location or to expand to different locations in many cities and states. Unfortunately, most of us as employees only see the opportunity as Here and Now and get caught up in what we can be earning or learning at the present time and overlook the future opportunities that our current companies can offer us. We must understand that the small companies we work for right now are actually counting on each one of us to do a good job in the position we are in and, together, to help the companies grow and become the forerunners in the industry. How successful a company becomes in the future is all based on the individual contribution each one of us is willing to dedicate Right Now.

Employees need to try to place themselves in the employers’ position at times in order to understand that being an employer of a small company is a very difficult job. Most of the time, he/she has to wear many hats. Owners usually have a hard time finding their right hand men or personal assistants to carry out some of the managerial tasks since loyalty and integrity are hard to come by when looking for qualified employees.Within the first two years of a business’s existence, every potential problem just mentioned is even more pronounced. This is because new companies need time to grow and the budgets are usually tighter than for companies who have been established for many years. Because of this, many newly established companies cannot afford to provide health care insurance, higher pay rates or paid vacation and sick times to employees when compared to large corporations and other well-established small businesses.

However, small businesses can definitely offer employees many benefits that other large companies cannot. Small businesses usually can allow more personal inputs from employees in making business decisions and allow employees’ creative ideas to be heard and implemented in the company right a way. Closer relationships usually result in the above atmosphere where employer and employee have a better understanding of each other’s positions with more communication opportunities.

In small companies, individuals who want to develop their talents, implement their innovative ideas, be promoted into management within a short period of time, and learn new knowledge and skills with personal attention, will find more opportunities to shine.(5:11)

Excerpt from: True Leaders Part III, Professional and Social Guide

Copy Right 2007, ISBN: 1-4208-6971-X(sc), Library of Congress Control Number: 2005906194 No part of the book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

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Healthy Parent and Child Relationship

-- Be a Friend and a Companion --

Most of us as parents have overlooked the importance of being a friend to our children especially during their adolescent years into their adulthood. At these stages, our children have grown to the maturity level where they would like for us to respect them for who they are and what they are about -- which is by treating them as individuals who have their own set of ideas and belief systems as well as their own way of life. To respect their individuality is to be a good friend to them. This is the only way our children are able to express their inner thoughts and feelings to us without being evaluated, lectured or blamed. Being a friend to our children is also being someone they can count on for help and someone they can come to for any emotional support and advice. We are acting as their mentors for them to come to for advice as well as their older friends and confidants for them to confide their personal stories and secrets.

As we grow older into our middle adulthood, we begin to see our parents grow old and become sick and begin to face the issue of dying. This is the time we have to be good companions to our parents, not because they are getting older and becoming sicker, but because this is the time they really need our companionship, especially when we have not been there for them throughout the years. To be a good companion to our parents is to be able to see them on a regular basis and perhaps have the opportunity to live close to them or to be in the same household, for those people who find it ideal. The closer we live physically to them the more they feel a sense of love and security from us. To be good companions to our parents is also to be able to do the simple things in life with them such as going grocery shopping, gardening, watching television or taking them for a walk at the park or to visit relatives.

As our parents reach to their 60s, 70s and beyond, they begin to feel an ever increasing need to be with their children and grandchildren, since this is considered to be the most rewarding and satisfying way for them to spend the rest of their lives. To be with their friends and other seniors in group activities and outings is also important, but to be able to spend time with their own family members is definitely far closer to their hearts and something they would always treasure very much -- since the family is always a family. A good conversation shared between us is considered important to our parents but the thoughtful and caring manner of nonverbal eye-contact, facial expressions, and body gestures that we display to them are far more important – by showing our parents that we really value them for being here with us. [4:5-(7)]

Excerpt from: True Leaders Part II, Family Guide

Copy Right 2007, ISBN: 1-4208-6971-X(sc), Library of Congress Control Number: 2005906194
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Sex Is Divinity, Not A Child-Like Play

Sex is a natural phenomenon. It is in all of us from the beginning of our conception. Therefore, it is only natural to express it. In fact, sex is considered one of the basic needs that governs our physiology. It represents one of our physiological drives just like hunger and thirst in carrying out our daily functions. Without proper food and water, the human body is not able to sustain its healthy state and soon the mind loses its ability to focus. The same holds true for sex.

As we have a need to respond to our natural sexual urges, we also have a need to express them properly. If not expressed at all, those urges will become repressed and make us emotionally sick or cause us to display schizophrenic symptoms. As primitive as it might be, like the primitive instinct of an animal, sex should not be regarded as a primitive act. Animals only possess sexual drives approximately every six months at a time unlike human beings. We have the luxury and the privilege to experience our sexual drives at any given time as the body responds to it. It is definitely not only for the purpose of procreation as in the case for animals, but also for the purpose of divinity.

Sex in itself, is an experience on many levels with different meanings. The highest form of sexual experience is the most divine, blissful, sacred, and spiritual. The only prerequisite in this supreme encounter is to have an open heart and an open mind. The beauty in this type of encounter is such an innocent, pure, and genuine experience that no closed heart and mind is able to penetrate through. This spiritual encounter allows two individuals with separate physical bodies to unite into one through the connection of their souls.

Whenever the masculine and the feminine principles of energy, just like protons and electrons, which govern all existence are in union, a state of primordial bliss arises from which the entire universe was created. At this moment of peak experience, couples are able to plunge into a total consciousness with no sense of thought or time, only the divine feeling of immersion into the cosmic consciousness. It is more than the feeling of orgasm; it is the feeling of divinity. It is not about reaching orgasmic stage; it is about reaching a spiritual union through the exchange of body synergy. It is not about the act of motion and stimulation; it is about the act of true love and compassion.

Our sexual energy is the origin of our life force, and every bit of it is a part of us which not only rejuvenates our total well-being but also provides us a valuable means to connect with another in a very powerful way. This is why when lovers connect on a deep and sacred level, they are nearly inseparable even when they are physically apart. Through the exchange of their divine energy they weave their entire bodies inside and out which produces a sense of unity and togetherness that is intuitive and telepathic in nature.

It is time that we honor our sexuality in its divine nature as an expression of true love and not child-like play. Sexual intimacy between two people is never meant to express this divinity with many others simultaneously, with people whom we do not care about or love, and in places filled with people we do not know. Unlike animals, which engage in sexual encounters rather forcefully and hastily without substance, human beings can experience a more supreme and spiritual encounter.

Sex is definitely not designed to be enslaved to our instinctual demands and is much more precious than to be used only to satisfy our bodily desires. Consequently, the essence of respecting the body is not to exploit, abuse, nor mistreat it, but to utilize it to connect with people we love and care about in further strengthening our emotional bonds with each other.
(6:5-4)

Excerpt from: Sex and Aggression, The Naked Truth About Relationships, and True Leaders, Part II

Copy Right 2007, ISBN: 1-4208-6971-X(sc), Library of Congress Control Number: 2005906194
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