Self-Destruction Ego Complex -- The Enabler

Individuals in the first type, Enablers, possess a great deal of inner frustration and often feel hopeless to get out of their current situations. They constantly neglect their own feelings and aspirations in life due to their self-propelled obligation to fulfill others’ needs. This is again due to their lack of love for themselves and lack of courage to stand up and work toward what they want in life. They often sacrifice for their family members, help them reach their goals in life, and solve their problems in life which only make others rely on them even more. Self-destructive individuals are aware that they are acting as enablers for their family members and want to take care of everything for them. They feel a sense of duty to take care of everyone around them so that they can feel they have accomplished something good and productive in life. What they fail to understand is that everyone has a duty and obligation to learn the proper way to take care of him/herself and that they should guide and advise others to do just that. This is an act of Compassion. Instead, they often try to take over the work for them and take care of their wellbeing as well as their problems in life which is a gesture of Sympathy and a sign of an enabler.

If their children give them a gift such as a nice piece of jewelry for a birthday, they may put the jewelry away in the closet and save it for future use, but in reality, they never feel deserving enough to wear it. If their family members/relatives send them away for a vacation and ask them not to worry about the house and the children, they will always call home every few hours and not be able to stop thinking about them even while on vacation. If they have an aspiration of going back to school and/or have a career of their own, their passion for these goals quickly dies at the thought of their spouses and children who might need them on a moment-to-moment basis. Their caring hearts constantly revolve around their loved ones and not themselves, which only makes it harder for them to fulfill their own aspirations and dreams in life. If their loved ones take them to a nice restaurant to celebrate their years of hard work in taking care of them and ask them to order whatever they want on the menu and disregard the prices, enablers still cannot stop being price conscious. At times, enabler individuals will insist on staying home for dinner and refuse to be pampered at a nice restaurant.

The enablers’ ego-states-of-being often feel validated and recognized when needed by others around them. Ironically, it is a sign of power to take care of others and see others in bad situations which would only make their situations look better. Through this behavior they gain acceptance from others in order to feel a sense of purpose in life that they are struggling to find within themselves. They often fail to understand that others will only rely on them even more to the point of overwhelming their sense of existence. Eventually, they cannot find peace within themselves due to their obligation to solve problems for others. Soon enough, the enablers will face a cycle of never-ending requests from everyone around them and find no purpose within their lives but to continue to help others. The burden may become overwhelming to the point that they may just quit everything all of a sudden and plunge into a deep depression or run away from home to get away from everyone. Enablers in their personal lives are often enablers in their professional lives where other employees and co-workers have the habit of relying on them to assist in their work.

Enablers have been forced into this situation by their family members early on due to parents’ early divorce, caring for an elder relative, taking care of younger siblings or early marriage and having to work for a spouse’s business, etc. This kind of pressure placed on them at an early age would only make them believe that sacrificing for others is a way of life and that to even care for their own feelings and aspirations in life is not normal and even selfish. As the time goes on, they are less conscious of their wants and needs. If they fail to find the true-self during the process of fulfilling others’ needs as their priority, they can never break the cycle of sacrificing and never begin to nourish their souls. [3:9-(10)/(1)]

Their motto is as follows: Taking care of and helping loved ones is my primary duty in life because this is what I am supposed to do. And it makes me feel wanted but overwhelmed at the same time.

Excerpt from: What Is Your Ego and True Leaders Part I, Personal Guide

Copy Right 2007, ISBN: 1-4208-6971-X(sc), Library of Congress Control Number: 2005906194
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